Crow

crackedwings @ 2010-01-06T05:48:00

2010-01-06T09:48:49Z

Yeah, so.

I just got fucking promoted to head of the kitchens.

The fat asscrack who runs this piece of shit inn comes up to me today and tells me that thanks to what I've been doing in the kitchen, more people have been plugging their nose long enough to come in here. He says that I'm a gift from the fucking Dragons and offers me twenty more fucking gold a week to take a higher position.

What the hell?

crackedwings @ 2009-12-08T07:45:00

2009-12-08T11:47:07Z

[Filter: Private]

... too fucking quiet, here.

~~[Filter: L~~

Whatever, she'll be fine. She doesn't need me bugging her, and fuck knows she'll just keep me writing for hours. I have work to do.

crackedwings @ 2009-11-27T11:25:00

2009-11-27T15:25:52Z

[Filter: Lark]

Well, if he is a creep, he's really fucking good at hiding it.

I guess he checks out. Go on with him and get back to taking care of your crazy old bitch, if you really have to.

crackedwings @ 2009-11-21T21:20:00

2009-11-22T01:20:06Z

This could be worse, I guess.

I mean, it's bad. It's fucking bad. This place is like the fucking asscrack of culinary Colndor, which is fucking saying something.

But at least these idiots don't have any grand ideas about themselves being some fucking famous chefs who deserve to be getting thirty gold pieces for every craplog on a plate they send out. If anything, they're all open to hearing what I have to say, taking suggestions ...

They're a bunch of slack-jawed morons, but they're willing to do what they're told, and I'm the only person in this kitchen who knows which end of a spatula to hold, so that's a good step.

Whatever, I'm only here until Flo finds me something better. I could be making more cutting purses, if I wanted to go back to that shit.

crackedwings @ 2009-10-31T04:19:00

2009-10-31T07:22:08Z

Flo found me another place to work, for now, but it's a real crapsack, even compared to wear I was before. No ingrediants, really, and just a bunch of hungry, grubby nobodies who don't give a fuck if it's venison or rat in their stew, so long as it's food.

It's like a boil on a boil on a boil. Fucking fantastic.

crackedwings @ 2009-10-24T06:42:00

2009-10-24T09:44:07Z

[Filter: Lark]

So ~~Are you~~ ~~You~~

Look.

I know this has taken me a long fucking time to say, whatever. I know that. I just -- I don't -- I don't want you to be an idiot, and if you say the wrong thing, I don't know what I'll --

Whatever, look.

I know your mother looked pretty good while we were by. But I hope you don't think it's a good idea to go again, or to stay here where she can get to you, or -- anything fucking stupid like that. Okay?

crackedwings @ 2009-09-09T05:13:00

2009-09-09T08:14:30Z

Fucking asshole.

[Filter: Lark]

Nevermind that bit about getting some bread for supper, looks as if I'm going to be there to fucking cook myself, after all!

crackedwings @ 2009-08-28T07:08:00

2009-08-28T10:09:55Z

[this page is spotted with grease and flour]

[Filter: Lark]

Fuck, look, sorry I left so fucking early this morning. I told Flo to make something for you and -- whatever. Someone from the inn came by, they really needed me at work. Something up with the cook, or ... something, I don't know, this is the first second I've had to breathe all day.

crackedwings @ 2009-08-24T00:58:00

2009-08-24T03:57:01Z

[Filter: Lark]

Right, so ...

Sorry for kind of flipping out the other day. I was kind of ...

I don't know. Whatever. Everthing's fine now, anyways, right? Right.

~~Nice to~~

crackedwings @ 2009-07-31T03:30:00

2009-07-31T06:31:19Z

[Filter: Private]

Fucking nerves, what the hell. It's Lark. Fucking Lark. And I've been talking to her on the journals this whole time.

Some of the time anyways. Who cares. Whatever.

Fucking ridiculous. Why do I even try to tell myself she'll be the lame? She went off to Norey. She's not going to be the same, and I should just

Just

Yeah.

Those days are over, and that's what this is going to be. Great fucking reminder that Lark's not Lark anymore and Kooly's not alive anymore and if he fucking were he literally wouldn't even be Kooly anymore and I --

Who the fuck knows what I am. I'm a cook, which is just fucking incredible.

Fuck it all. At least I'm not dad.

I don't even know what I'm writing about.

crackedwings @ 2009-07-13T03:10:00

2009-07-13T06:12:42Z

So, yeah. Employment. What a novel experience this is turning out to be. There's so much fucking whining that now takes on a frame of reference.

crackedwings @ 2009-06-26T09:15:00

2009-06-26T12:15:56Z

Oh.

I have a job.

crackedwings @ 2009-06-24T06:49:00

2009-06-24T09:54:03Z

[Filter: Private]

~~This is so~~

~~I think~~

~~It's not~~

You know, I really wish I could just press a fucking button and be all fixed. That would be fucking great. I'm broken, Flo keeps saying. Yeah, I get it, maybe she's right. I feel broken. I wouldn't have come to close to being my fucking dad if I weren't broken. Hell, that takes a special kind of fucking broken right there.

But fuck, I don't want to crawl around gathering up all the pieces and putting them together. I don't want to have to --

It hurts, thinking about all the fucking shit. It hurts trying to put words to it all.

Focus on who you want to be, Flo keeps saying, but how the fuck am I supposed to focus on something when I haven't got the first fucking clue what the fuck it is?!

Fuck.

[Filter: Lark]

Yeah, hi. I know you're going to be here soon or something but that's not what this is about. I, uh, I ~~think~~ think I'm ready to talk more, maybe.

crackedwings @ 2009-05-24T23:27:00

2009-05-25T02:47:03Z

[FIlter: Private]

Maybe it is a little quieter up here.

Or maybe I just convince myself it is so I feel less fucking stupid for actually going that.

[Filter: Public]

She says I'm actually getting good. I don't know, I'd say that I think she's just being nice, but to be entirely fucking honest, I'm starting to believe it. I like eating the things I make. I'd like it more if I had better shit to cook with, but she says they'll have that when I actually get paid for it.

That sounded fucking ridiculous at first, but ...

It wouldn't be so bad, having real work. The more I think about it, the more I hope it works out.

Yeah, fucking journals, I'm sure everybody cares, whatever. I put up with all of your useless bullshit all the damn time.

crackedwings @ 2009-05-15T02:37:00

2009-05-15T05:40:11Z

[Filter: Lark]

Hi.

Look.

I --

I want to talk about some things and you're probably the only person with any interest in fucking listening so, yeah, what the fuck ever, do you want a few minutes?

crackedwings @ 2009-04-20T01:40:00

2009-04-20T04:44:09Z

[Filter: Lark]

I was

So lately it's been

Look, Flo keeps saying that I

fuck this so hard

crackedwings @ 2009-04-05T05:11:00

2009-04-05T08:10:28Z

Y

... you know, this is actually sort of fucking fun. Once you start getting the hang of it and shit. I guess. Yeah.

crackedwings @ 2009-03-14T21:44:00

2009-03-15T00:47:17Z

~~Holy fuck~~

... well, I got a fucking job.

Or, rather, I'm going to be getting a job. I'm learning a skill that someone will apparently pay me for.

crackedwings @ 2009-02-21T15:49:00

2009-02-21T19:52:40Z

[the writing is a little uneven]

[Filter: Lark]

Look, do you want to know why I'm an ass?

crackedwings @ 2009-01-28T19:55:00

2009-01-29T00:00:40Z

[Filter: Private]

What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of becoming like my father. And I was that close, too, after all my years fucking hating his miserable fucking guts.

Or maybe even worse, becoming like Kooly. Just forgetting your friends, abadonning years of something that matters because something easier comes along. Just forgetting it ever fucking happened. I know he had friends there ... I know it was his family ...

... it doesn't matter. It's not like all the time he and I spent together was nothing.

I don't want to lose anyone else the way that I lost him ever again.

So what the fuck happens, then? It's a fucking balancing act. Drive out everyone so I don't lose anyone? Then I'm my fucking dad, and being just like Koo -- fucking Lucas. Get close to them, be a better person, don't give into myself, like Flo keeps saying? Then they own me. Then they can ruin me again with just a fucking flip of a finger.

How the fuck does anyone deal with life?

Fuck.

Like I'd ever say any of this. Like anyone would. Worse fucking Wednesday question ever.

crackedwings @ 2008-09-16T12:10:00

2008-09-16T15:13:21Z

[the paper is creased and somewhat crumpled]

~~I'm not~~ ~~I'm~~ [a long jagged line]

~~fine, if you~~

So, Lark.

~~...~~

What do you want?

crackedwings @ 2008-08-28T00:10:00

2008-08-28T03:12:07Z

Why should I need to get a job? I've never had a fucking job. You don't need a job to be respectable. I can get by just fine without one.

It's not like you can find a job in Colndor that isn't "bartender" or "whore" anyway.

crackedwings @ 2008-08-12T15:46:00

2008-08-12T18:48:41Z

[Filter: Private]

If you're not going to accept a fucking apology, what do I care? Do whatever you want.

You'll treat your mother like not a damn thing has changed even when Kooly has to hold me back from killing here, but, oh, when it's me --

Yeah, I know I need to calm down, I don't need you telling me that, old broad. Fuck off.

crackedwings @ 2008-08-01T21:50:00

2008-08-02T00:51:54Z

[Filter: Private]

[some scribbles]

Yeah, fine, fuck, fine.

This is

Yeah, I know. I know. Fine.

... okay.

[Filter: Lark]

... hey.

crackedwings @ 2008-07-22T20:03:00

2008-07-22T23:05:50Z

[Filter: Private]

Ugh, get out of my fucking face, old broad. I'm tired of your ...

... right.

I'm tired of sitting here and knowing you're right about all of it. Why the fuck did I have to get rescued from fucking rock bottom or whatever by you?

I'm tired. Get the fuck out of my face.